6 Things Nobody Tells You About Having Kids
Twenty20

Late nights. Long hours. Immense love. We were prepared for lots when it came to having kids…and yet there's still stuff that catches us off guard. Here, six things nobody ever tells you about the miracle of child-rearing.

1. Things that annoy you about other people’s children won’t bother you when it’s your own kid doing it. Like mispronouncing “refrigerator” or singing the "Star Spangled Banner" at deafening volumes. Awww, she’s gonna be president.

2. If your child vomits, you will try to catch it. Bodily fluids are so not a thing when they’re coming out of a person you made. Also, when push comes to shove, you will definitely care more about your neighbor’s couch than your own hands (or blouse…or entire outfit).

3. Leaving the house never takes less than 45 minutes. Before you had children, you could roll out of bed and be in the car 12 minutes later. Now, you’ve got snack baggies to pack, missing mittens to locate and a screaming human who will most certainly soil her diaper 30 seconds before you’re about to walk out the door.

4. You will tell total strangers weirdly personal things. Like, if you see a woman struggling to tie a nursing scarf on the playground, you will somehow end up confiding in her about your recent bout with mastitis—and recommending a terrific nipple cream, while you’re at it.

5. You will become closer with your partner. There’s a certain intimacy that comes from somebody handing you a baby while you’re on the toilet. (And even if you’re too tired to have sex for the next decade, at least you’ll have intimacy, right? Right?)

6. Even if you live in a house with many bedrooms, everyone will end up in the same bathroom at the same time. And if you’re not all throwing up simultaneously, consider yourself lucky. See above.

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